So, apparently I've been living in a cave on Mars with my fingers in my ears for the last two days, because I hadn't heard about Fmr. Gov. Spitzer's sex scandal. What's even more lame, is that I work in media. However I guess to be fair, in the old days one of the reporters might have gone running through the hall, clad in suspenders and fedora with a press card in it, yelling "EXTRY, EXTRY! GOV. BOINKS SLUT!!" I was sick yesterday, so I'll assume that actually is what happened, and cut myself some slack.
(btw, if any of our reporters are reading this, and come running through the adv. dept the next time a news story breaks, I will buy you lunch for that day. Press card in your hat is optional, but appreciated)
But seriously folks, on to what really matters in this story. Did you all see the gams on that tomato that he slept with?? What a looker! Apparently this girl is a "22-year-old aspiring musician who struggled in a broken home as a child."
Aren't they all though? And these girls make the best hookers. All you have to do is pretend to care about her music for 3 min. and you probably get a little bit more bang for your buck. Call it "engaging", or "ground breaking" and I'm sure you could &%## with your *^$$$, and then #%*^ all over her ^^&##. If you couldn't read that, it read, "love with your heart, and then fawn all over her personality." Or whatever.
But it makes me happy on a personal level that Spitzer has at least got good taste. I'm so tired of seeing powerful political figures being taken down by buttafaces. I mean, do you guys even remember Gennifer Flowers?
Woof.
I hope I don't drop dead after writing this, so her visage will be the last thing etched in my memory. Even Paula Jones wasn't that hot. 4 beers in at best.
So I'm glad that Spitzer is at least dropping the "cl" off of the "class, in politics". At least when he's gotta give press conferences on it now, it doesn't look like he's taking the worlds worst walk of shame. If anything, this is just gonna catapult him into the "awesome retired politicians" category, like Marion Barry, or Ed Norris. Hell if anything, Spitzer should try and run for office in Baltimore or DC. We're a very forgiving area.
I'm not really sure when I'm going for much longer with this one so, Ashley Dupre, call me?
Photos courtesy of BaltimoreSun.com
(btw, if any of our reporters are reading this, and come running through the adv. dept the next time a news story breaks, I will buy you lunch for that day. Press card in your hat is optional, but appreciated)
But seriously folks, on to what really matters in this story. Did you all see the gams on that tomato that he slept with?? What a looker! Apparently this girl is a "22-year-old aspiring musician who struggled in a broken home as a child."
Aren't they all though? And these girls make the best hookers. All you have to do is pretend to care about her music for 3 min. and you probably get a little bit more bang for your buck. Call it "engaging", or "ground breaking" and I'm sure you could &%## with your *^$$$, and then #%*^ all over her ^^&##. If you couldn't read that, it read, "love with your heart, and then fawn all over her personality." Or whatever.
But it makes me happy on a personal level that Spitzer has at least got good taste. I'm so tired of seeing powerful political figures being taken down by buttafaces. I mean, do you guys even remember Gennifer Flowers?
Woof.
I hope I don't drop dead after writing this, so her visage will be the last thing etched in my memory. Even Paula Jones wasn't that hot. 4 beers in at best.
So I'm glad that Spitzer is at least dropping the "cl" off of the "class, in politics". At least when he's gotta give press conferences on it now, it doesn't look like he's taking the worlds worst walk of shame. If anything, this is just gonna catapult him into the "awesome retired politicians" category, like Marion Barry, or Ed Norris. Hell if anything, Spitzer should try and run for office in Baltimore or DC. We're a very forgiving area.
I'm not really sure when I'm going for much longer with this one so, Ashley Dupre, call me?
Photos courtesy of BaltimoreSun.com
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