City Living Updates

Well, the good news is that I haven't caught Hipsteritis (wiki deff.) yet, so that's a plus. I haven't really had time to catalog the goings ons in my neighborhood, so I'll just give you the highlights.

- The Thursday of the first week we moved in, 5 min. after I got home from work, the house next to us got busted for a drug raid. Busted in door and everything. I found out the week after from the people that live there that "the cops said they found 'seeds' in the alleyway behind us". No comment.

- There is a ghetto blastin' Ice Cream truck that comes around. The song is catchy and he has good prices. He however is a fat Armenian looking guy. Thats good marketing. Also, the ice cream rocks.

- The other night the cops were called on our other neighbors, possibly a domestic call, I'm not sure. However when the cops left, my neighbor spent the better part of 12 min. yelling in the streets that if "this neighborhood had a fucking problem with him, he was right fucking there." Then he got in his car, and sped off really fast. Also it was 1:20 am.

- I met a former Marine/ex-carthief who told me about how he was technically dead for 6 min. when he crashed during a dragrace. Nice guy.

- The corner bar on my block is awesome. I was outside once with my old roomate, and a guy told us about how he used to "keep this entire fuckin' city rollin' on acid, man! You guys ever done acid?" No, we replied. "You should man, it'll expand your fuckin' mind!" Then he told us about trying to bang his girlfriend, while driving drunk, going 95mph on Costal Highway outside of Ocean City. He got pulled over and the cops let him go. I'm convinced this man is a magician, or a sorcerer.

- Also at the bar, I met a guy that looks/sounds just like Crabman from My Name is Earl! His name was Rick. He sells bikes. Also his shirt said "beer time", and there was a digital clock with beer for the numbers. Awesome.

- We live near the Charm City Cakes shop, and drink at the bar, The Diz which is right across the street from it. Last week I saw one of the cake decorators, Elena, outside smoking so I went out to "make a call" and to siphon some of her cool by being in close proximity. Two min. later Mary Alice from the show drove by and told Elena, that she was going to "shit on your balls". I'm no baker, but I'm pretty sure that's code for, "shit on your balls."


More to come.

I will be a city dweller (update)

Weeeelll....things didn't go exactly to plan. To make a short story a lot shorter, our cats ended up being deal breakers with the guy we were going to rent from. Even though he said they'd be okay. And that we'd give him a security deposit for them. And he said, "Sure, that sounds great!" Apparently it was not so great, as we were told on a Friday the place was ours, and then Joe John Indian-Giver reneged on us the following Monday. It was news to me that aside from getting stuck in our moving boxes, and eating bugs, that cats are unfathomable engines of wanton destruction. They're like little Hitlers.



Thankfully my girlfriend (and this why I love her) kept a backup plan in this case, and saved a couple of her B choices. So that Monday we went into panic mode, and looked at a great place in Remington, and some crap shack across from the Burger King on Eastern in Fells/Canton. Guess which one we picked. On the plus side of this, we're paying less rent for tons more space. The downside is that we're not in the heart of Fells like we wanted. Whatever, this place has it's very own dive bar on the end of the block, so I'm happy. I do still have to worry about Hipsteritis though. There's not a Whole Foods near us, but we are dangerously close to Hampden. As long as I wear my old SARS face mask, I should be good.

I will be a city dweller.

So it's finally going to happen, I'm going to be an official city dweller at the end of the month. What'll it be like, for a small town boy (resisting urge to write Journey lyrics) to adjust to living the city life? What perils will he face? Will he find a kind of font so that this reads like those spinning dramatic newspapers??? We'll see. I think it'll be fine. I come from Aberdeen in Harford county, which isn't exactly the litmus test for quality living. If I can survive in there, I should be good anywhere.

There is one thing that worries me though, Hipster Disease.



Yes, Hipster Disease. If left untreated, and gone unnoticed me and the girlfriend could very well end up looking like the above picture in less than 4 months. Well, it wouldn't be too bad, as the girl in the picture looks pretty cute, but still, I'd look like an insufferable douche.

I'm already noticing some of the symptoms. Yesterday I spent a good 30 min. or so on my lunch break looking at bikes, and bike helmets. I'm already gloating to my friends who live in the county, how much we paid for the great amount of space we got. And it really won't be helping that since we'll be in Fells Point, the closest grocery store is, a Whole Foods. I hate Whole Foods. If you ever thought that the people from the hybrid episode of South Park, who smell their own farts were made up, then you haven't shopped at Whole Foods.

It's gonna take all of my natural stubbornness to resist this, because the moment I see myself wearing a blazer in August, while rolling my second skin jeans up to ride my bike, it'll be too late.