According to them, People who have birthdays on Sept. 11th, have a pretty raw deal. Again, according to them.
I overheard this yesterday as I was walking out of my local comics shop in Cockeysville. The speakers were two teenage kids, high school-ish age. "Dude, you know what sucks? Tomorrow's my birthday man, and nobody's gonna fuckin' pay attention because of 9/11."
I kept on walking. That $25 pile of comics wasn't going to read itself, and I felt pretty certain that the kid would probably get impaled on something. Hopefully to fill in the irony, a really big bad ass American flag.
My only piece of advice to you, the slighted, is get over it. Get down to the DMV, and smudge your birth date to Sept. 12th or 10th, but seriously, get over it. If the kids who have birthdays on Christmas can deal, so can you.
I solemnly swear, that I am up to no good.
Showing posts with label things that annoy me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label things that annoy me. Show all posts
Thursday, September 11
Wednesday, July 16
Quizno's subs can lick my ass.
Fuck you Quiznos, you can lick my ass. You have $5 subs now too? And you want me to eat YOUR subs, instead of Subway's subs?
Where's your delightfully cool and catchy song? Your easy to understand sign language?
Where do you get off, telling me how I can "eat my five dollars", judging me and my choice in sandwich.
Your subs aren't even that great. They taste like roasted shitlogs.
Thursday, May 29
Things that annoy me: "Italian Stallian"
Yes, you. Commenter on the web. Handle for bowling, or bar trivia. Awful vanity plate, “ITALSTAL”. Personalized Yankee’s jersey. You annoy the piss out of me.
Your nickname is awful, and I loathe it. You think it’s cool because it rhymes. But it’s not cool. Not cool at all.
What does that even imply anyways? That you have the qualities of a horse? A great love of carrying people on your back? Am I to believe that you’re some sort of anthropomorphic being, comprised of a horse of some type, and crossed with a man? Perhaps you’re fond of carrots, and salt licks. You probably don’t even run that fast.
C’mon man, centaurs are SO two millennia ago, get with the program.
Maybe you could change it to, “Italian Dude”, or “Eye-talian”, using a clever play on words. Hey, let’s face it, guys from the south are gonna say it that way anyways, you might as well get used to it.
But if it has to rhyme, here are some alternatives. You could be the “Italian Battalion”, because maybe you’re in the military, and you’re real good at sailing…or something. You could be the “Italian Medallion” because you’re a …shining… uh…example of…Italian-ness.
Listen, I don’t care what you change it to, but just change it. You aren’t going to be running laps around a keyboard, and you certainly aren’t going out to stud over the internet.
Your nickname is awful, and I loathe it. You think it’s cool because it rhymes. But it’s not cool. Not cool at all.
What does that even imply anyways? That you have the qualities of a horse? A great love of carrying people on your back? Am I to believe that you’re some sort of anthropomorphic being, comprised of a horse of some type, and crossed with a man? Perhaps you’re fond of carrots, and salt licks. You probably don’t even run that fast.
C’mon man, centaurs are SO two millennia ago, get with the program.
Maybe you could change it to, “Italian Dude”, or “Eye-talian”, using a clever play on words. Hey, let’s face it, guys from the south are gonna say it that way anyways, you might as well get used to it.
But if it has to rhyme, here are some alternatives. You could be the “Italian Battalion”, because maybe you’re in the military, and you’re real good at sailing…or something. You could be the “Italian Medallion” because you’re a …shining… uh…example of…Italian-ness.
Listen, I don’t care what you change it to, but just change it. You aren’t going to be running laps around a keyboard, and you certainly aren’t going out to stud over the internet.
Thursday, February 21
My other blog is a LiveJournal (and it blew)
Ok, so here's a fresh new start. I feel like a spin-off TV show, or if Cheers got a new bar to use in stead of the usual one. I can make funnier comments on the side, and throw out links to my friend's blogs (i.e. Kara and her vast, vast knowledge of Saved By The Bell episodes).
Anyways, let's get into it.
The front-page story over at the Baltimore Sun's website was this, "Some bills, take the cake", and there was a picture of a delicious looking cake. Already, my interest was piqued. After reading the article over twice, (two times as the pain from my jaw dropping, clouded my ability to take it all in once) it more or less told me that a session of state legislature was being devoted, almost entirely, to naming a new state cake.
That’s a bit of an exaggeration, there were other items as well, but a cake? Really? We really need a state cake? So if we choose a seven layer chocolate cake, and Delaware chooses a German Chocolate cake, we get to make fun of them for having a cake that no one likes? Does it go on the billboards over the state lines? "Martin O'Malley, Governor of Maryland. Come for our crabs, stay for our superior cake."
Also on the agenda was to name "walking" as the official state exercise, which I guess goes hand in hand with the whole state cake idea. If chosen, walking will replace the previous state exercise of "not giving a shit that we had a state exercise." I was always pretty good at that.
By the end of the article, I was at least hoping for some sort of justification for spending an entire day eating cake, and state exercising around the office. I got this.
"Like any good politician, Del. William A. Bronrott offered a politically expedient reason to support both the walking bill he sponsored and the dessert measure. "You can have your cake and eat it, too," the Montgomery County Democrat said, eliciting a round of applause from fellow lawmakers." - Baltimoresun.com
Those assholes just wanted to eat cake all day, and then rub it in our faces. And why do they get to vote on state symbols, and related agendas? What if Jon Naysayer (read: author of this blog) from Essex (it's a secret!) doesn't like Smith Island cake?
What we should do is take a statewide poll for all these ridiculous ideas. Keep the cool stuff, like Oriole birds, Jousting, and Crabs, but leave the rest of it up to us, Marylanders.
This way, if we want to look like assholes, we can do it on our own time, and not our taxes. If we want the state burrito to be the Home Wrecker from Moe's, then fine. If we feel that the state T.V. show should the episode of Arrested Development where they build a fake house, awesome. Shit, if we wanna make the state color of copy paper, golden rod, let's do it! But do it on our time, not on yours.
Anyways, let's get into it.
The front-page story over at the Baltimore Sun's website was this, "Some bills, take the cake", and there was a picture of a delicious looking cake. Already, my interest was piqued. After reading the article over twice, (two times as the pain from my jaw dropping, clouded my ability to take it all in once) it more or less told me that a session of state legislature was being devoted, almost entirely, to naming a new state cake.
That’s a bit of an exaggeration, there were other items as well, but a cake? Really? We really need a state cake? So if we choose a seven layer chocolate cake, and Delaware chooses a German Chocolate cake, we get to make fun of them for having a cake that no one likes? Does it go on the billboards over the state lines? "Martin O'Malley, Governor of Maryland. Come for our crabs, stay for our superior cake."
Also on the agenda was to name "walking" as the official state exercise, which I guess goes hand in hand with the whole state cake idea. If chosen, walking will replace the previous state exercise of "not giving a shit that we had a state exercise." I was always pretty good at that.
By the end of the article, I was at least hoping for some sort of justification for spending an entire day eating cake, and state exercising around the office. I got this.
"Like any good politician, Del. William A. Bronrott offered a politically expedient reason to support both the walking bill he sponsored and the dessert measure. "You can have your cake and eat it, too," the Montgomery County Democrat said, eliciting a round of applause from fellow lawmakers." - Baltimoresun.com
Those assholes just wanted to eat cake all day, and then rub it in our faces. And why do they get to vote on state symbols, and related agendas? What if Jon Naysayer (read: author of this blog) from Essex (it's a secret!) doesn't like Smith Island cake?
What we should do is take a statewide poll for all these ridiculous ideas. Keep the cool stuff, like Oriole birds, Jousting, and Crabs, but leave the rest of it up to us, Marylanders.
This way, if we want to look like assholes, we can do it on our own time, and not our taxes. If we want the state burrito to be the Home Wrecker from Moe's, then fine. If we feel that the state T.V. show should the episode of Arrested Development where they build a fake house, awesome. Shit, if we wanna make the state color of copy paper, golden rod, let's do it! But do it on our time, not on yours.
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